I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
