you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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