yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
