This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize