I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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