Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
