Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
