I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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