I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
