I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
