My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
