It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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