I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
