2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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