also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
