In America we eat man semen.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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