Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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