Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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