im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
