it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
