Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
