I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
