Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
