found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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