do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
