I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
