Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
