oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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