Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
