My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
