can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
