I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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