thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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