His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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