i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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