I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
