Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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