omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize