I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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