No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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