she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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