the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
