someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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