Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
