I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
