Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
