I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
