but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
