lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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