Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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