p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
