My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
