I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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