chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
