I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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