there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
