he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
