I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
