I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
