Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
