nutella sex= disaster
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
