Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
