shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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