In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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