I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
40s are totally the cure
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
