I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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